Monday, September 24, 2012

we're home!

love love love!

Well that sure was a long flight! Phebe slept 3 out of 12.5 hours. Yikes! She wasn't too upset with all the flights, but she was a real fidget the midget - as we so kindly like to call her! Lilah slept well though, so we were thankful at least one of us got a little sleep!

Phebe seemed to be thrilled with her new home, she took Lilah's hand and explored every nook and cranny, smiling with glee! We fed and bathed the girls and they slept for about 4 hours (from midnight to 4am) - the sleep sure felt good!

Phebe has a lot of insecurities. She was taken away from everything she knew and has slept in 4 different cribs in the past 2 weeks. The orphanage, 2 hotels and finally now, our home. So she has every right to feel as insecure as she does right now. I pray that soon her little heart will feel safe enough to trust us all. I am still working with her as far as bonding goes. Still feeding her, changing her and dressing her. She knows I am her 'go to' for these things, so that helps. She will also play and laugh with me and then all of a sudden a fear comes in her eyes and she either runs to Baba or Lilah. I feel so terrible for her - it feels like a stab in the heart to me, to think that I scare her so much. I really do believe that she thinks I took her away from everything she knew and now she is scared that I will do the same again. I have a lot of brokenness to help mend with this dear girl and a lot of trust to earn.

(Thanks also for your comments on my last post regarding attachment - I appreciated every one of them. It helps to hear of others experiences. And as adoptive parents, there are times that we do go through some type of rejection or preference of one parent over another. Again, so thankful for your support.)

So glad that we are now home.

The Lord has done great things for us and we keep on praying for the grace and courage that we need as we learn through new experiences and fall in love, all over again, as a family of four.

19 comments:

  1. What a wonderful photo of Daddy with his girls! Jill - I was just reading through Emme's journey last night.. Remember she rejected me many times in China... It did not take long once the girls and Daddy got back into their normals.. Phebe is a smart girl.. She knows that she has an amazing Mommy.. But, that insecurity of doubt will take a while.. Soon she will know you will NEVER leave her!!! Welcome home!!!! ~Diana

    ReplyDelete
  2. Praise God you are home. It seems like yesterday you just left for China. Loved following your 2nd journey to China. What a blessed mommy and daddy you are. God is good all the time. Congratulations to your entire family. Phebe will do well. Her insecurities will fade and it will all be a distant memory of her fears. Just love on her as I know you will.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It must feel so good to be home. Now you can settle in and Phebe can start to trust that she will be with you forever and that this is her home, where she will be safe and sound. Only God can heal their pain and I have been praying that he will do that. It is great that she is willing to come to you for the things she needs and once she sees Baba go off to work (and come home again every night) she will start to trust more and more!

    Looking forward to following her journey!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Jill,

    I keep trying to leave comments but it freezes when I go to post...in any case, congratulations! I've loved the photos, but this one is my favorite. We had attachment issues with Lily too. She was pulled out of foster care at 7 months, put back into the orphange and then we adopted her 3 months later. She was so insecure... These little ones have gone through so much. Hang in there--it may take a little bit, but she will turn the corner!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have been so busy and on vaction for the past few weeks i really havent ben following my blogs. I just checked yours and so the amazing news and wonderful journey. I can not congratulate all of you enough. what a blessing. I am so happy for you. It looks like Phebe is the perfect fit to your loving family. i wish all of you the best.

    ReplyDelete
  6. So glad you guys are home!!! :) My mom might have told you, she went through the saaame thing with Viv!! I enjoyed following all your posts through China. Maybe we'll see you guys around soon! LOVE, Brit

    ReplyDelete
  7. So glad to hear you are safely back in Canada! Now that you are home, all good things for attachment can begin. You and Phebe both have such loving hearts that your relationship is bound to be a strong one. And what fun you will have together! Praying for you both as Phebe becomes more at home with her new family. She is a darling girl! ~Lindy

    ReplyDelete
  8. Welcome home! Best wishes to you all as you adjust to your new lives together.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jill so pleased to hear that you all got home safe and sound! It has been a real pleasure to watch " a nother miracle" unfold, from my home here in Scotland........
    Dx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Even with a wonderful trip, it is always so wonderful to come home and exhale - aaah! Look how she is smiling at you right into that camera lense. She looks happy as do you all. Just go easy on yourself and trying to figure her out. It does take time and sometimes WAY longer than we want. I had lots of good times with Liliah, don't get me wrong, but she wasn't deeply connected to me until about 8 months or so. Before those days, sometimes she would cry when I came home from work especially if she had spent the whole day with daddy. I did see lots of little hopeful signs along the way until we bonded. Once I let go of that control, it helped me and let her make that choice. I did all the meeting of her needs when home and only did the nighttime routine with her. That was always a sweet time for her and I and she ate up that attention. Blessings and He leads in the way to her heart!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Welcome home! I can't speak from experience, but I think if you keep doing what you're doing, and be patient with little Phebe and showing her how much you love her, that she will come around in not too long. That is so cute to imagine her exploring the whole house with Lilah. I hope the jetlag isn't too bad for you guys either.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Welcome Home with your 2 precious daughters!!! I followed your journey and loved hearing everything about Phebe and seeing all your beautiful photos. Phebe is so adorable and I know she will adjust in no time. Lilah is an amazing big sister and the two together are so darn cute!!!
    Thank you so much for sharing.
    God Bless,
    Diane

    ReplyDelete
  13. Welcome home! It's so amazing to see the changes in your sweet Phebe - very few smiles in her photos prior to joining her forever family and so many big smiles in her photos since she joined her family! Praying for her heart to continue opening up to her forever family, especially her sweet mama. Many blessings to your beautiful family!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Meredith Brabant25 September, 2012

    Hi Jill,

    So glad to hear you made it home safe and sound! I loved following you on your journey to become a family of 4! Can't wait to meet Phebe.
    Meredith Brabant

    ReplyDelete
  15. Happy to see you are home. Phebe has the most beautiful little smile in that picture. A great picture a Dad and his daughters. Hopefully Phebe will begin to trust her new home and in her new family soon. She has a great big sister to help her!

    ReplyDelete
  16. So nice to hear that you made it home safe and sound. I have followed along on your journey and let me just say that I've been there right with you with the rejection. It's so hard when your love is so strong and you just want to show that and comfort all you can when you see everything they go through. It will become better! Your thoughts on the matter are so right. All the best to you and your beautiful family.

    Erika B

    ReplyDelete
  17. So nice to hear that you made it home safe and sound. I have followed along on your journey and let me just say that I've been there right with you with the rejection. It's so hard when your love is so strong and you just want to show that and comfort all you can when you see everything they go through. It will become better! Your thoughts on the matter are so right. All the best to you and your beautiful family.

    Erika B

    ReplyDelete
  18. Welcome home sweet family! Phebe looks to be full of smiles, and I know that with just a little time she will give her little heart over completely. Kerry had quite a few insecurities, too, at first. Some disappeared within weeks or months...others still pop up from time to time even three years later. Phebe could not have found a better Mama and, just like Lilah, she will come to trust and love you. If only only these little ones didn't have to go through so much on their way to forever families. ((HUGS))

    Gin =)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi...been following you since you entered the photo of Lilah jumping on the bed in Stefanie's photo contest (Ni Hao Y'all). Lovely posts and photos of your trip. We recently adopted our 2nd (both boys born in Taiwan) and, like you, ended up with a very active and busy baby, unlike our older quiet, sitting-still boy! It takes some getting used to, that is for sure! I was wondering if you use a flash for your photos. You don't seem to be wide open in many photos (like in shops and restaurants) and yet the pictures aren't grainy or soft...so just wondering how you do it! Every shot is beautiful! Congratulations on your beautiful girls...God is good!

    ReplyDelete